Microsoft Zone Archive/Player Chronicles/Player Kill

Original Link (now dead) - http://zone.msn.com/asheronscall/ASHEalioshka.asp

A Funny Thing Happened on the Road Today . . .

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The valiant knight Alioshka has just emerged from his first trip to the Glenden Wood dungeon, where he's been lost for a number of hours, chopping up zombies and the like. As usual, he's loaded with stuff to sell to the local merchants.

Upon reaching the surface, just a short distance from town, he is accosted by Green Knight (not his real name), a fourth-level warrior and first-rate annoyance. Will Alioshka bear this torment like a true and noble paladin, keeping the spirit of vengeance from his heart while selflessly offering aid?

Nope.

My First Player Kill (A True Story)
By Alioshka

Green Knight: "Hey, Alioshka, where did you get all that cool armor?"

Alioshka: "Ehhh, magic. It's grafted to my skin."

Green Knight: "Cool, can you give me some?"

Alioshka: "Sorry, I'm still using it."

Green Knight: "Where'd you come from?"

Alioshka: "Underground, actually -- I've just come up for a bit of fresh air."

Green Knight: "How do I get armor like yours?"

Alioshka: "Kill monsters. Loot corpses. Sell items. Get pyreals. Trade pyreals for armor at a smith's."

Green Knight: "You can't just give me yours?"

Alioshka: "I'd love to, but I really need it to keep the banderlings from crunching my soft flesh."

Green Knight: "Can you show me how to get to the nearest town?"

Alioshka: "Uh, you're in it."

Green Knight: "Duh! Idiot! I mean *another* town!"

Alioshka: "Look on your map -- it shows *all* the towns and where you are in relation to them."

Green Knight: "But I can't find any towns! I want to go to a big city! I want cool armor like yours!"

Alioshka: "Hmmm."

Green Knight: "Is there a portal around here?"

Alioshka [grinning]: "Oh yes, let me show you a real interesting one!"

Alioshka walks over to the "North Direlands" portal and points to it.

Alioshka: "That one goes to a really interesting place!"

Green Knight: "Thanks, I really appreciate it!"

Green Knight walks through the portal...

Alioshka [to whoever is within listening distance]: "Whew!!!"

[10 seconds later.] @tell from Green Knight: "YOU JERK!!! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!"

Alioshka thinks to himself, "Gee, I'll bet he learns how to use his map now... Well, one can hope..."

@tell from Alioshka: "Really? Hmmm, must have been the wrong portal!"

[10 seconds later.] Green Knight appears next to the Glenden Woods lifestone.

Green Knight: "I DIED!!!! I HATE YOU!!! I HAVE NO MONEY AND NO ARMOR!!!"

Alioshka: "*sigh* Tell you what, Green Knight, I'll give you 5,000 pyreals to leave me alone."

Green Knight strikes a fighting pose.

Green Knight: "I WISH WE *COULD* FIGHT!!!"

Green Knight takes off at a run. Alioshka [shakes head]: "Perplexing fellow, that."

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